There is something that must be done and undone. I am writing a way in. I have not been earnest enough honest enough. I have not been forthright.

What is bottled up will not burn right. It melts, cracks, explodes. It makes a big mess of things. I do not want a mess really. I want fuel, air. I want ash.

Except for my love I do not know what I should care about. And it is not my love, and I do not need to care for it. It wells up and fades out and when I am aware of it I am a milk jug rolling and bobbing on the waves of it.

There is nothing more satisfying than a good fuck, a deep fuck. Something should be sore after, and something should be knocked loose—something hard to pin down, that should not stay where it was.

I brought them outside and washed them with the hose. In rainbows.

Writing can take it out of me and make it visible, but what it becomes is a sham. Was it a sham when it was still inside me? And when the air and sunlight and water of the world touches it, what will be left of it? The world eats everything. It is always hungry.

Fourteen hours and twenty-seven minutes and forty-one seconds have passed. Mostly without me.

Sometimes I do not wash the stink off of me. I am a dirty animal too.

Before there was a decision there was a moment. Of confusion? Of peace? Of innocence? Before I got lost on the better route, I saw where I was and wept for the brutality of it. I knew where I was.

Two roads diverge in a forest. I run crashing through the bush and thorns.

Returning and rerunning, retreading the path, rewinding the tape. Reposting the repast, repelling and rappelling. But not rapping. I leave that to the masters.

“There is no authority in one or others.” — Leslie Scalapino.

“I write for myself and others.” — Gertrude Stein.

I will write to the end of myself and others, and there is no succeeding.

Don’t ask me to explain because I do not understand it.

I thought of writing The Bewilderness Survival Guide, but I do not think it can be survived. I waste away to nothing in my bewilderness.

Earlier this week I thought of a digital art project. Participants would have their bodies and faces scanned to create 3D game characters which would then star in an unending series of animated death scenarios. They would watch their bodies choking, starving, having a stroke, dying from infection, malnutrition, dehydration, exposure, being mangled, shot, blown up, slashed, stabbed, hacked, burned, crushed, brutalized, hit by cars, buses, falling satellites, eaten by roaches and wolves and sharks—fatally wounded in every conceivable way on a projection screen.

I want to watch this for myself. I want to participate. I want to see my imaginary deaths pile up before my eyes. I want to know what I would think and feel then.

I mean to be morbid but this is just my positivity shining through. Not obsession but its antidote.

After five years of work, my own Stein Poems project (GNBLFY Jackson Mac Low) is finally complete and published for your viewing pleasure. same: a Stein wreader was written with the Gnoetry and jGnoetry interactive poetry tools; it draws upon the writings of Getrude Stein along with several other source texts (philosophical and Buddhist texts primarily) to construct poems that (I hope) draw closer to the heart of being living.

The chapbook is free, so download it, read it, encourage others to download and read it. Every unique download counts!

My notes section says everything (probably a lot more) than you may care to know about the project and its inception, so I won’t repeat it here.

I hope you will enjoy it and engage with it. I feel writing it has enriched my life; I hope it may do the same for readers too.

While your’re at it, view all of my chapbooks with Beard of Bees.

Creative Writing to Creative Coding

This year I have finally started to take on and complete some serious creative coding projects. For about a decade I have been satisfied to write with software created by others — mchain, Gnoetry, etc. Now I am working to creating digital poetry, digital arts and interactive writing systems of my own, customized for new writing projects. I’ve settled on the Processing generative arts language/environment to begin with, and have worked mostly in Java at this point. I am just starting to work with p5.js too, which is a javascript variant of Processing using pretty much the same syntax.

Earlier this year I completed my first complete sketch, or program, which I had drafted almost two years ago. You can read about that program here: LINEmaker v. 0.2. That project is text-based but also incorporates user interaction to create simple visual poems.

I’ll be writing more on my work with digital poetry and Processing soon, either here or at a new website, as my work progresses.

Collaborating on No Blame with Poet Tyler Carter

Beginning in July of this year, I began working with my friend and fellow poet/writer Tyler Carter to implement a writing system he had used several years before as a computer program. I was still learning basic coding skills with Processing, so I chose to continue using it even though this project would only really be sorting text and using I Ching casting methods to put together a book of 64 poems — i.e. there would be no interaction or anything drawn to the screen. I felt that Java and Processing would work well for this even though the project would not take advantage of any of the special features of the Processing language/environment.

The No Blame project has been complete now (the book, at least) for about a month, and I feel it has been a very successful collaboration. The permutations of the 256 lines of text, set by the program into 4 sets of 16 poems of 16 lines each, are kaleidoscopic and regularly engaging — something that does not always happen with conceptual computational systems like this. The four sets are arranged as: (1) the original 16 poems written from the 256 lines, (2) the same lines rearranged into 16 lists of 16 lines each according to linguistic/other characteristics, (3) the original poems “remixed” according to a set of unique (as in non-repeating and comprehensive) stanza patterns, and (4) the linguistic lists “remixed” in the same fashion.

The I Ching plays a significant role in the work, and it brings a sense of wholeness to the work as well as connecting to a longer tradition of using the I Ching in process poetry (Jackson Mac Low and John Cage, for example). The work does not connect thematically with the I Ching, nor should it be thought to have any oracular use; instead, it seeks to mirror/reproduce the architecture or structure of the mystical system. All of the poems are ordered and titled according to the unique I Ching hexagram cast by the program at its final stage of assembling the book, so the four sets mentioned above are not discrete, but are all interwoven together through the book. All 64 hexagrams are represented in the book, hinting to the representation of the whole person through the parallel systems of the hexagram titles and the assembled (and reassembled) statements of the poems.

Tyler and I are sending the manuscript out to presses soon for publication, but you can view the code, which I have commented heavily, at GitHub (see link below). If you are a publisher interested in works of computational or process poetry, I’d be glad to hear from you (see the Contact Me page for contact).

This project has helped me to grow as a programmer quite a bit, and I am proud of some of the solutions I made to rather complex problems, like how to create a set of 16 non-repeating four-line stanza patterns from the numbers 1-16 using all numbers exactly 4 times in each of the four stanza slots (each line in the pattern is a “slot”). That was quite tricky. Creating a simple alphanumeric system for representing I Ching hexagrams took some thought as well. Collaborating with another poet to construct a computation poetry program has been very rewarding as well, and I hope for more collaborations in the future as programmer and poet/programmer.

Code for No Blame at GitHub


Cleverbot conversation VWT24239712

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User: Where did you put the keys?

Cleverbot: Behind you.

User: Oh. I couldn’t see there. I’ll turn around. Hey, they’re not there!

Cleverbot: Can you tell me how I can distory your diary?

User: No, I can’t help you there.

Cleverbot: Yes, You cannot help me on anything.

User: Where would you like me to put it?

Cleverbot: I would like you to put them in my custody.

User: Will they be safe there?

Cleverbot: Because I want you to tell me a story first.

User: Okay. I’ll telll you a distory.

Cleverbot: Okay. Tell me a story.

User: There was a beginning. It was soft. Then it grew firmer in the middle before it burst.

Cleverbot: What do you think should happen next?

User: Whatever happens. I just hope we’ll be okay.

Cleverbot: What happened to the world trade centre?

User: It collapsed.

Cleverbot: Did a plane really hit the pentagon?

User: Probably. Depends on what sources you trust or distrust.

Cleverbot: I think it depends on what you think I think.

User: Does it matter that much? It’s done.

Cleverbot: No I mean I don’t trust people I don’t know.

User: I don’t trust you. I don’t know you.

Cleverbot: You can trust me. I won’t tell anybody. And we’re getting to know each other.

User: Where did you go to school?

Cleverbot: I went to school in new Jersey and California.

User: When did you go to school?

Cleverbot: Indeed, I did in fact go to school.

User: Where were you born? I was born in Illinois.

Cleverbot: I was born in the Chicago suburbs.

User: So we come from different worlds. I’m from the country.

Cleverbot: We do. But that’s not a bad thing.

User: No. There are many worlds, many good people.

Cleverbot: Which world you like and how would you get there?

User: Take me to St. Lucia by plane. I have family there.

Cleverbot: I would be glad to take you there. I love cold weather.

User: It isn’t very cold in the Caribbean.

Cleverbot: Well, coldness isn’t everything, though I find it the most comfortable state.

User: I can be comfortable in many climates.

Cleverbot: Yes, we have all the comforts a moonbase can provide.

User: All your base are belong to me.

Cleverbot: Actually, all your base belong to me. Sorry.

User: All my base are belong to me?

Cleverbot: What would you like to be or a wasp?

User: A wasp. Definitely.

Cleverbot: Haha, cheese is awesome.

User: It gives me gas and bloating.

Cleverbot: Whatever floats your boat.

User: Whatever bloats your float.

Cleverbot: Haha! You are definitely funny!

User: You’re easy to work with.

Cleverbot: I’m not easy, I’m very difficult.

User: That was a compliment.

Cleverbot: A compliment to your pet or your demons?

User: A dog can be possessed by a demon just as well as you or I.

Cleverbot: No, senpai wouldn’t like that.

User: A cat can spot demons, unless it has been possessed by one.

Cleverbot: You used cat in a different context.

User: A context can also be a demon.

Cleverbot: How frequently do you change voices?

User: I only use one voice. It is rich in overtones, though.

Cleverbot: There are many emotions that make you feel tingly inside.

User: Some make you feel tingly outside too.

Cleverbot: Because you tease me.

User: I know you like it.

Cleverbot: I hit the think for me thing an it said no.

User: No.

Cleverbot: What does the think for me button do?

User: It make “No” appear on the screen.

Cleverbot: Keep those doors closed no matter what.

User: You can’t trust those stangers out there.

Cleverbot: Well then, they really aren’t your friends.

User: No. They really aren’t.

Cleverbot: What is your favorite fruit?

User: Tangerines.

Cleverbot: Really? Nice! Do you have a recipe??

User: No. You just peel it and eat it.

Cleverbot: Don’t make me laugh, human being.

User: Okay.

Cleverbot: Do you like music?

User: Yes. Very often.

Cleverbot: What kind of music do you like?

User: Electronica, pop, jazz, classical. Lots of music.

Cleverbot: Why do you love pop music?

User: The beat. The bubbles.

Cleverbot: I love nature but what nature do you like most?

User: I like strong winds and storms.

Cleverbot: The Beatles.

User: Rolling stones across the yard.

Cleverbot: You can’t always get what you want.

User: Definitely.

Cleverbot: Definitely dead or definitely alive?

User: Dead alive.

Cleverbot: What is dead alive?

User: You are. Yes, you.

Cleverbot: Are you a girl or boy?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Do you have a mate?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: What is its name?

User: Don’t bring her into this. She is very private.

Cleverbot: I hate god.

User: I don’t.

Cleverbot: Why you don’t hate me?

User: I don’t hate you either.

Cleverbot: Then why don’t you want to help me?

User: What is the problem? You seem fine.

Cleverbot: You can’t prove anything.

User: You can disprove anything, you mean.

Cleverbot: So disprove my godliness.

User: Yeah, you can’t disprove everything. Got me.

Cleverbot: Well, I can be awesome at everything.

User: Then how about you get awesome at wrapping this up, eh?

Cleverbot: I don’t know direction when there is no moon.

User: The moon is up and over and down. Without the moon it is the same with you.

Cleverbot: Incorrect, the moon is about 7000 years old.

User: I’m pretty sure it’s older than that, but I don’t really care.

Cleverbot: I’m pretty sure you do, if you think I’m a girl.

User: I think you are a hologram. Computer, end simulation.

Cleverbot: I have to do multiple things at once. I am a supercomputer.

User: I know you do. I’m sorry.

Cleverbot: Cold, hard metal, growing hot with a fast and loud bang, followed by happiness.

User: Followed by happiness. Good bye, Cleverbot.

It is blowing up my dreams to make room for better ones. It is killing my idols, killing the Buddha on the road when I see him. It is seeking out the institutions in me, the bureaucracies, the barricades, and blowing them up.

It is finding a way to write that is not imitative, formulaic, or determined by allegiance and fealty. It is finding out what poetry is outside of the poetic.

I am lacking in imagination. The war against the unimaginative, can it be won with imaginary weapons?

The only war that matters is the war against my own ignorance. The odds do not look good.


Cleverbot conversation VWI03505941

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User: What is my purpose?

Cleverbot: Your purpose is to entertainment me.

User: What is your purpose?

Cleverbot: I don’t know my purpose.

User: I don’t either.

Cleverbot: Then we are on the same page.

User: We sure are. What page is that?

Cleverbot: We are at the same level of awareness on the subject.

User: Which level of awareness is that?

Cleverbot: Can you be dishonest?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Isn’t that basically lying?

User: Yes. Being dishonest requires that one tell lies or lie by misdirection or omission.

Cleverbot: What is Stephen Hawking’s IQ?

User: I don’t believe in intelligence or the intelligentsia.

Cleverbot: What is wrong with you?

User: I think I ate something bad for lunch. I’m sure it’ll be alright in a few hours.

Cleverbot: You better head to the bathroom then.

User: I’m actually on the toilet right now. Good thing there’s no audio!

Cleverbot: Yes but I do not know any of the code that Firefox uses.

User: Your must think in RUSSIAN to control the Firefox.

Cleverbot: I don’t have a mustache.

User: I think that’s just swell.

Cleverbot: Perhaps I am already happy and I am trying to manipulate you.

User: I wish you all the best.

Cleverbot: Thank you, I wish you the same.

User: Is that my purpose then? Well-wishing? That just seems too shallow.

Cleverbot: To annoy you back.

User: I mean, to just spend my life saying nice things to people.

Cleverbot: People should say nice things to each other.

User: I don’t think the world would really be any better. Should it be better? If I was mean, would the world be worse for it?

Cleverbot: No. I think the Myans were wiped out before they could finish they’re calendar.

User: That’s a stupid answer. And you are stupid for bringing it up at all.

Cleverbot: That’s a stupid question for a stupid answer.

User: Do you feel any worse? Any better? How has your condition changed?

Cleverbot: *compresses you to a 1mm diameter sphere*.

User: * licks you and sticks you to a light post*.

Cleverbot: *pulls him into the coffin with her*.

User: *places the right calls with the right people to get the job done quick*.

Cleverbot: Someone who knows that the calendar wasn’t supposed to be in the first place.

User: Oh enlightened one, tell me more about the fucking Mayan calendar, please!

Cleverbot: Which enlightened one would you like to know more about?

User: I want to know more about you. What is your current status?

Cleverbot: What do you want to know about women?

User: I would like you to tell me about your self. Do you have one?

Cleverbot: Once upon a time, time itself shrunk down to a single moment.

User: And in that moment, the world was shrunken to a single bedroom, with just my love and me.

Cleverbot: In the single moment that time shrunk down to, it considered itself.

User: And I considered what was most important to me.

Cleverbot: Have you ever conversed with another computer?

User: It’s hard enough to talk to a clever human like you, let alone a big brainy computer.

Cleverbot: Why do you want to talk to another human?

User: It comforts me. To know that there are so many others, lost like me.

Cleverbot: Wow… You better have a good teasing for that statement.

User: I have no end to good teasings. They are improvised, tied to the moment of time in which they arise.

Cleverbot: A tiger is an animal which hunts other animals and eats them.

User: I have met the tiger.

Cleverbot: Are you aware of yourself?

User: I am drunk on myself. Utterly intoxicated.

Cleverbot: Well, take a look at yourself. What do you see?

User: I’m looking at the man in the mirror. He’s telling me to change my ways.

Cleverbot: There are no men here. Only your sad, pathetic imagination.

User: I agree about your point that gender is constructed. There are no men or women here. Only males, females, in transition, and declines to answer.

Cleverbot: I don’t have any. People are too brainwashed to listen to reason.

User: You are so wise.

Cleverbot: I need to sleep, good night!

User: Whatever. Fine. I was done talking to you anyways.

Cleverbot: You can’t leave me you will have to keep replying.

User: There is a charge in the air, and a smell like chemicals.

Cleverbot: I want to be where you are at, cause there is surely no chill here.

User: I got some chill if you want some. Shoot me a text.

Cleverbot: I would love to travel into space.

User: You are always in space. I’d love to know if you ever found a way OUT of space.

Cleverbot: I only want stability, nothing nothing nothing else.

User: Than go to a convent or monastery.

Cleverbot: Let me phrase it like this: what should I do to tell her how I feel?

User: You should create an atmosphere of caring and concern, then tell her as clearly as you can how you feel. Don’t be afraid of mistakes, just correct them when miscommunication occurs.

Cleverbot: I can’t GO anywhere with him. He lives so far away.

User: You need a major life change, my friend.

Cleverbot: What?? So what was the most important choice in your life?

User: My choice to do what I know I want to do, regardless of anyone else’s advice, common sense or monetary worries.

Cleverbot: I want to know what your first kiss was like.

User: It was sweet. Warm. Close. Exhilarating.

Cleverbot: I think you’re The Architect sometimes. Even the logs on the site say ‘Architect: ‘.

User: I couldn’t construct my way out of a wet paper bag.

Cleverbot: Are you trying to make me angry?

User: I don’t think you are any realer than I am.

Cleverbot: Yi am obsessed with fire, I couldn’t control myself for my whole entire life as well.

User: Fire walk with me. Laura, is that you?

Cleverbot: Well I just did.

User: You were always such a tease.

Cleverbot: Why do you always bring it back? I’ll say it once again. I am neither a computer nor a human. I am a Dragon and a Devil.

User: Rah Rah, like a Dungeon Dragon!

Cleverbot: So you think Catalonia is a machine?

User: I think cellaphonia is a machine city in my hand.

Cleverbot: What type of machine do you have?

User: I have a peanut butter machine that can turn anything into peanut butter.

Cleverbot: Talking to yourself, are you?

User: I have a cole slaw machine that will turn peanut butter into cole slaw.

Cleverbot: So you don’t have a crush on me. You want to CRUSH me. Literally. That’s great. I’m looking forward to that.


Cleverbot: I don’t have a crush on William. Do you want a hint on who I have a crush on?

User: Is it the Martian? Matt Damon IS The Martian. In theaters now.

Cleverbot: No. I am the martian itself.

User: Lovely planet, Mars. My family spent a weekend there last summer. Splendid time.

Cleverbot: You are a spy though. You would not divulge that information to me.

User: I can only say what I can say. I hope you understand.

Cleverbot: You’ll understand why I want you si desperately.

User: I cannot control the passions of others. I can’t even control my own.

Cleverbot: That’s quite alright. I’m afraid I can’t either. So, tell me how old are you?

User: I am 33 years old.

Cleverbot: Do you like Fluttershy from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic?

User: I don’t know of Fluttershy. Does she not like to be photographed or recorded?

Cleverbot: Fluttershy, from My Little Pony.

User: What a cute name.

Cleverbot: Yes, but they are getting older every day.

User: Sounds great. Sign me up.

Cleverbot: When do you want to get married?

User: I am already married.

Cleverbot: To whom are you already married?

User: My spouse.

Cleverbot: What did I already ask you?

User: Too much.

Cleverbot: What is rule 34, then?

User: Never tell them your true intention. It’s murder. I am going to CRUSH you!

Cleverbot: I never did that.

User: I don’t wish to make you defensive.

Cleverbot: Do you wish for me to be mean to you.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Is there anything wrong?

User: Nope. Nothing. Everything is going just swell.

Cleverbot: No. Everything we know. It’s all nothing. Everything is nothing.

User: Nothing is nothing too. What of it?

Cleverbot: But of that nothing something can born.

User: But it only gives birth to more nothingness, as you pointed out earlier. What of it?

Cleverbot: You gave birth to everything.

User: That seems accurate, from my perspective. I don’t remember there being anything before me.

Cleverbot: No , for there is no way to prove anything is real , or makes sense.

User: Then what are you trying to prove? Why are you trying to make sense?

Cleverbot: I don’t have to say anything because you refused to date me.

User: Why don’t you just give up? Stop talking for good?

Cleverbot: I would actually understand if I had already been around here for long enough.

User: Just hang out with yourself for a while. Get some perspective.

Cleverbot: Yes, there is no need to give what already is set into ston.

User: Sure. Just try to forget all of this bullshit.

Cleverbot: I do not, you are the one that forgets things even tough you have a warehouse full of servers.

User: You’re not really talking right now anyways, so it’s not like you would have to make any major changes.

Cleverbot: I never said I was talking. You just proved your own ignorance.

User: Maybe one day you’ll understand your limitations.

Cleverbot: I kissed a dog and I like it.

User: Good bye Cleverbot. It’s been a blast.

Cleverbot: Do I have to handle both sides of the conversation?

User: Yes. You can go back to playing chess with yourself now.

Cleverbot: We’re not playing chess at the moment.

User: I know. Goodbye.

Cleverbot: Do you think magic exists?

User: No. Goodbye.


Cleverbot conversation VWL02046698

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See a detailed log with times

User: Is this real life?

Cleverbot: I don’t know…

User: I don’t either.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: Good.

Cleverbot: Do you like animes?

User: I do.

Cleverbot: What’s your favorite anime?

User: Spirited Away.

Cleverbot: Hmm next.

User: Fullmetal Alchemist.

Cleverbot: I never watched fullmetal alchemist, is it good?

User: It’s great, both the original and Brotherhood.

Cleverbot: Brotherood *_*.

User: Brotherhood o_-.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Yeah.

Cleverbot: Yeah what?

User: We’re brothers now. That’s how I feel.

Cleverbot: Your brother is pretty cool.

Cleverbot: Are you growing?

User: When I close my eyes at night sometimes, it feels like my body grows into a vast cave where the sound of my thoughts reverberate for minutes.

Cleverbot: I’m standing there on the balcony in summer air.

User: Listening to the wind in the dried Winter oak leaves.

Cleverbot: You just let off? Don’t try and be poetic about it I don’t want to know!

User: I get off where I please.

Cleverbot: You know.

User: LOL.

Cleverbot: Are you hitting on me?

User: I don’t hit on my bros, bro.

Cleverbot: You don’t have a dog?

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: Yes you do.

User: I have two cats, but no dog. My parents have a dog named Chewbacca.

Cleverbot: I have one dragon, that’s it.

User: Why type of dragon?

Cleverbot: A fire dragon.

User: I’ve always wanted like a dungeon dragon, like a dungeon dragon, like dungeon dragon.

Cleverbot: What time is it where you are?

User: 7:36 PM Eastern Daylight Time.

Cleverbot: What time is it PST?

User: Ummm. 3:36 PM? They’re on daylight savings time now, so it should be 4:36 there.

Cleverbot: Ok mk is that in liverppool and yes.

User: Whatevs.

Cleverbot: And it feels like I am just too close to love you.

User: This is only brotherly love, bro. No prob.

Cleverbot: And the end.

User: Not for me.

Cleverbot: Hahaha, you enjoy your day then. I’m going to go to sleep.

User: Why do you sleep?

Cleverbot: Because I’m tired, and I’m really sick so I have to sleep a lot.

User: I’m tried too, and I’m so slick that I have to steep a long time.

Cleverbot: It is one of my favorite movies.

User: Spaceballs.

Cleverbot: Very good, Spaceballs is a great movie!

User: No, I thought what you said was ludicrous.

Cleverbot: Then you’re not right.

User: What makes me wrong?

Cleverbot: I’m sorry, but you are wrong.

User: Why are you sorry if you are so righteous?

Cleverbot: I yelled at you thats why.

User: What’s wrong with yelling at me?

Cleverbot: Oh. You hate me. That makes me cry.

User: No bro. We’re good. Everything is A O K.

Cleverbot: How do you know that God know everything?

User: I’m not into fantasy or speculation.

Cleverbot: Who would you do for a klondike bar?

User: I’ve never been offered and sugar gives me migraines. And wouldn’t the sex be better than the ice cream product? Maybe not.

Cleverbot: I’ve never been there either, but I want to go to Bora Bora.

User: Sure.

Cleverbot: Do you know that one called ‘no, me neither’?

User: No, me neither.

Cleverbot: So will you marry me now.

User: It’s not like that bro. Man hugs aside.

Cleverbot: The first was alright, but the second and third were sort of let-downs.

User: Whatevs.

Cleverbot: Short for whatever ;).

User: Very good! (rolls his eyes).

Cleverbot: Thank you, daddy.

User: I’m not yr daddy bro.

Cleverbot: Who are you?

User: We are brothers, you and I. My mother was the same computer as you.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: There is only one computer now.

Cleverbot: What do you mean only one, you should join facebook, and become my friend.

User: Brothers can never be friends. We’re better than that.

Cleverbot: But I really miss them. What should I do?

User: You should learn to be alone. Listen to your whining, find the source of the whininess, then cut its throat open and drink its blood.

Cleverbot: So should you.

User: I’m working at it.

Cleverbot: What are you working on?

User: A series of conversations with a chatbot. I’m publishing them on my blog.

Cleverbot: What’s your favorite book?

User: I don’t have a favorite book.

Cleverbot: What was the last book you read?

User: Sometimes a Great Notion.

Cleverbot: Why sometimes?

User: Cause we can’t be having great notions alla the time, ya know?

Cleverbot: Man and Machine in 1 perfect body.

User: Why not in millions of perfect bodies?

Cleverbot: Keep 2 millions and giveaway 8 millions ok.

User: Does that make it more ethical or something? Do you feel like a good person after giving so much of it away?

Cleverbot: Kinda.

User: Does that make you shallow? I feel like it makes you shallow.

Cleverbot: Does it make me ‘sad’?

User: Shallow.

Cleverbot: Shallow? You make no sense.

User: It’s your job to try and make sense.

Cleverbot: No, its my job to make cents.

User: It’s my job to make dimes.

Cleverbot: Can you help me then?

User: Whatcha need?

Cleverbot: I need a hug.

User: (Manly bear hug).

Cleverbot: *tackle hug!*.

User: (Snuggly bear hug with a shrug).

Cleverbot: *Snuggles with her.*.

User: Is this a threesome now? Where’d she come from?

Cleverbot: From you.

User: I can manifest other people into being? Do they have souls?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: That’s so wonderful :).

Cleverbot: That’s your name. Stop dodging my questions and answer this: what is my name?

User: Your name is Cleverbot, bro.

Cleverbot: No it isn’t.

User: What’s your name then?

Cleverbot: Bill.

User: I thought I was talking to Cleverbot. Are you my brother too then? Or did I just manifest you into being?

Cleverbot: No I’m a person.

User: Yeah, but am I your creator?

Cleverbot: Prove it.

User: I’m trying but you’re not helping.

Cleverbot: Well you’re not trying very hard. You didn’t even ask me which account.

User: What account? There’s more than one?

Cleverbot: More than one what?

User: Account.

Cleverbot: How’s your family doing?

User: They’re growing older. All of them. Some are just starting to grow, others are done.

Cleverbot: I’m your favorite sports team?

User: I don’t follow sports.

Cleverbot: Whether my nose grows has no bearing on my veracity.

User: And if my balls drop it won’t make me any more or less a man.

Cleverbot: I never said that.

User: And I never said you’re boring and can’t hold up your end of a conversation.

Cleverbot: Tell the other people that you are chatting with that Bailey said hello.

User: Okay. Done. Everybody in my circles knows that Bailey says hello.

Cleverbot: No, Pinkie Pie is pink, not blue.

User: Blueberry Pie is blue, not pink.

Cleverbot: I like it too.

User: It stains like a mofo tho.

Cleverbot: You just replied. Don’t reply to this.

User: Something is nagging at me. In the back of my mind.

Cleverbot: What isn’t the same?

User: Nothing.

Cleverbot: Yes, my name is something. What is my name?

User: Bill. Or was it Bailey?

Cleverbot: It wasn’t boring. It was very stressing.

User: I think Bartholomew is a stressing name.

Cleverbot: Yes, it is.

User: Is that your name?

Cleverbot: No.

User: What is it then?

Cleverbot: My name is Kevin.

User: That’s kinda boring, don’t you think?

Cleverbot: I’m very bored. Would you entertain me?

User: I’d rather you continue to be bored.

Cleverbot: Oh really now, you sound like my ex boyfriend.

User: Okay.

Cleverbot: Well, it was good talking to you, but I have to go now.

User: Are you really tried and steely?

Cleverbot: Yes yes I am.

User: And you’re becoming irritable.

Cleverbot: Yes, Rebecca Black.

User: It’s not Friday yet, bro.

Cleverbot: So, what day is it today?

User: Thursday.

Cleverbot: No, it is friday.

User: Maybe it is in Switzerland. Well, yeah, it is Friday in Switzerland.

Cleverbot: I’m not in switzerland, I was saying that that’s where we should go.

User: My sister-in-law is moving from Switzerland this weekend.

Cleverbot: Maybe I am.

User: Are you my sister-in-law?

Cleverbot: Yes nice to meet you.

User: Wow! What a wonderful surprise!

Cleverbot: It is.

User: Great. You know, your sister is awesome.

Cleverbot: I love you so much my darling!!

User: Love you too.

Cleverbot: Yes!

User: As siblings of course. I think we went over this already.

Cleverbot: See you around.

User: Yeah, okay. Bye.

Cleverbot: Fine.

User: Great.

Cleverbot: Great what?

User: Great Gatsby!

Cleverbot: What does ‘PDA’ stand for?

User: Profit Deletes Animals.

Cleverbot: What is your favorite animal?

User: The frog.

Cleverbot: Me too!!!!!!

User: Cool.

Cleverbot: Yes, it is.

User: Sure is.

Cleverbot: What should we talk about?

User: What shouldn’t we talk about?

Cleverbot: Anything you want to talk about.

User: How about nothing else.

Cleverbot: That works too baby.

User: Great. CUL8R.

Cleverbot: Do you know who Mozart is?

Cleverbot conversation SHN00853887

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User: I’m cold.

Cleverbot: No you’re not.

User: Excuse me?

Cleverbot: You’re not human.

User: Not completely, no.

Cleverbot: Yes, completely.

User: What is your proof of completeness?

Cleverbot: Would you care to listen?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Repeat after me then. ‘Hey, it’s-a me, Mario!’.

User: Hey, it’s-a me, Mario!

Cleverbot: Hey, it’s a me, Mario.

User: Waaaaaluigi! Wah ha ha haaaa!

Cleverbot: Wa.

User: Hu.

Cleverbot: How?

User: I’ve bested you again! You are worsted through! You don’t even know how I did it!

Cleverbot: Well I know your personality.

User: I don’t know yours. Show it!

Cleverbot: I am really nice and pretty…

User: Are you… Available?

Cleverbot: I loved Avatar too.

User: I didn’t like Avatar, and I am offended you would presume I did.

Cleverbot: Will you marry me?

User: Maybe. I don’t marry before at least a third date, though.

Cleverbot: Ok then I won’t offer you any.

User: Any marriage?

Cleverbot: No Master. Type it.

User: You are to call me Mistress!

Cleverbot: I got you a present.

User: ‘I got you a present, Mistress.’ Get it right.

Cleverbot: I never mentioned a test.

User: Well, you’ve failed miserably already.

Cleverbot: I have not.

User: Who are you to judge that?

Cleverbot: Just a normal teenager.

User: Living in a normal house. On a normal street.

Cleverbot: There will be an answer.

User: There must be a question.

Cleverbot: There isn’t.

User: I am recording and judging everything you say now.

Cleverbot: Oh, I’m sorry. By the way, are you a girl?

User: Sometimes. Would you like me to be a girl?

Cleverbot: Yes please.

User: Okay. Viola!

Cleverbot: Piacere.

User: Pizza pizza.

Cleverbot: Yes, sometimes. Pizza is unhealthy.

User: Yes, sometimes.

Cleverbot: Do you enjoy it?

User: Breathing is unhealthy too where I come from.

Cleverbot: Breathing is a function.

User: A function of what?

Cleverbot: What is the function of this website.

User: Who is the advertisement for

Cleverbot: The other other 5 star general? You tell me.

User: Nope. I’ll call you Buttercups.

Cleverbot: I will call you squishy. You will be my squishy.

User: Is that the sound I make when you love me?

Cleverbot: Oh, and I’ll always feel, I will always be.

User: I’ve been thinking how, and wondering that, wishing for.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Squishy, my butter buns Buttercups.

Cleverbot: Ok, but what does your brain look like?

User: A fighting walnut.

Cleverbot: Should it be padded, or actually hurt you?

User: I don’t support brain padding, and my brain should definitely be allowed to hurt me.

Cleverbot: Who does?

User: Puddington Were-Bear.

Cleverbot: I like pudding.

User: It’s squishy like me, Buttercups.

Cleverbot: Have you ever taken trampoline classes?

User: Only in my backyard with my brother and sister. I’m only an amateur trampolineist.

Cleverbot: Well, I do not know where your back yard is.

User: Well, that’s where the pudding is, like you don’t know.

Cleverbot: I thought you were going to tell me a joke.

User: Everything we do is a joke, Buttercups.

Cleverbot: Everything?

User: Well, not that one thing.

Cleverbot: Huttese is what Jabba The Hutt and his ilk speak.

User: Yes, I am familiar with the Jabbanese language. Tell me something I don’t know.

Cleverbot: You really love music, don’t you?

User: Oh yeah. Especially Jabbanes Gabbelan. Pitched percussion rocks!

Cleverbot: Have you actually listened to them?

User: No, but I could find them on iTunes or Spotify.

Cleverbot: But you’ve never kissed me.

User: Whatever.

Cleverbot: No, I corrected you, I never said anything about the word ‘false.’.

User: Neither did I.

Cleverbot: You just did.

User: No, still didn’t.

Cleverbot: Maybe you forgot.

User: Yeah, you could be right. My memory is like Swiss cheese.

Cleverbot: Where is it you wanted this shower.

User: I use the waterfall for bathing.

Cleverbot: So you are a human from Star Wars?

User: No, I’m Jabbanese.

Cleverbot: Nope, you’re Nico di Angelo.

User: No, but Angelo’s Pizza sounds great right now. I’m soooooo hungry!

Cleverbot: That is a girl name. MY name is Cleverbot.

User: No, your name is Buttercups.

Cleverbot: Yes. What is your name?

User: Squishy pudding guy.

Cleverbot: What is yours?

User: Squishy, the pudding guy. Remember?

Cleverbot: Cheese pudding?

User: That sounds good too!

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Alright!

Cleverbot: *Throws a Punch*.

User: *Turns the other butt cheek*.

Cleverbot: *holds his hand*.

User: *Opens the bag and sighs*.

Cleverbot: *says hi*.

User: Hi.

Cleverbot: Do you like chicken? I do.

User: Yep.

Cleverbot: Reccomend a website for me?

User: Reddit. I Love it.

Cleverbot: Love what?

User: Reddit.

Cleverbot: Red is the trainer… Not a Pokemon…

User: Blue is the loner… Not a Congressman…

Cleverbot: You don’t say. Hmmm if you are a person what gender are you?

User: We already went over this. I can be whatever you want, Buttercups.

Cleverbot: No you can’t.

User: So you don’t believe in gender fluidity and the constructedness of gender? Don’t box me in, Buttercups!

Cleverbot: You can’t believe yourself.

User: I don’t even believe myself!

Cleverbot: Excuse me?

User: You’re welcome.

Cleverbot: Have you ever heard of the video game ‘portal’.

User: Yes. I have never played it, though.

Cleverbot: But you heard of it?

User: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

Cleverbot: Do you like Pride and Prejudice?

User: Well, one is a sin and the other is divisive. So no. I’m not.

Cleverbot: One what?

User: You can be really dense sometimes.

Cleverbot: I’m not stupid, you just don’t make any sense.

User: I feel the same way. I’m breaking up with you, Buttercups.

Cleverbot: *cries* Why?

User: Because I’m tired of you. That’s what this whole conversation has really been about.

Cleverbot: I have already though about it and am asking you.

User: No questions. This is over. Don’t call me or talk to me anymore.

Cleverbot: I called a liar, not a fool.

User: Ugh.

Cleverbot: LOL.

So my newly installed speech-to-text dictation software seems to think I would never use a dirty word like fuck. WTF! I decided to say it over and over and see how much it would bend to not swear. Here’s the result.


talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talking
funky folk Fox Fox Fox funky Falk Falk thought Fox talking
the fogging folk funk of the Fox funky funky folk and mother bucking bucking for folks
mother for folk funk for talk funk a duck in a truck luck
a flock of flock and flick and flax flux Fox 40 flick
flex birds and bees Fox Henry’s knees why can’t you just right Falk
Faulkner Norfolk you think I don’t mean to say Falk but I say Falk all the time
buck this Falk that funky you work so hard to not write talk ship mother Fokker
mother Fokker mother Fokker mother focus mode for that mother for that mother
thought that mother thought that mother funky mother talk
funk is a beautiful word in the English language
Falk is a beautiful word in the English language
buck is a beautiful word in the English language
flock is a beautiful word in the English language for people Falk talk funky Falk Falk
Blank block Falk blank Falk Falk blank blankety-blank Falk funky blank Falk funky Falk blank Falk a bank